Snow at the Beach

Last week was crazy.  Some things came up, and we had to reschedule/move some things around and the end result was getting a beach weekend with my sweetie a week early!  Just when I had gotten everything rescheduled, and things were good to go it starts to snow.  Seriously.  But all was not lost.  My sweet husband comes from a world where snow isn't as big a deal, and he has a jeep.  We proceeded as planned.  Really, the roads weren't bad.  There were trucks putting down gravel, and we saw at least 8 snowplows go by.  The only problem we had were the people who probably shouldn't have been on the road.  A drive that usually takes us about an hour and a half ended up taking more like two and a half hours.  By the time we got to our getaway, it was too dark to take any pictures.  The above photo was what we were greeted with in the morning.  There was still snow on the beach when we left a few days later.  It was a really lovely weekend once we got where we were going.  It was quiet, lovely, and restful.  Thanks sweetheart for jeeping us away this weekend!

Anxiety

My brain, on the inside, is a complex labyrinth of insanity.  You wouldn't always know it just talking to me, you have to get through some of those protective walls before you see the crazy those walls are protecting you from.  Sometimes, as I'm lying awake at nights I'm decorating my labyrinth with owls and other knick-knacks and fretting about things I have no idea why I'm even fretting about them.  And then I started fretting about fretting about un-fret worthy things.  It wasn't until yesterday, while instant messaging with a friend, that it kind of dawned on me that I may be suffering from anxiety.  This is pretty much how it all unfolded: 

(edited for relevance, to protect the innocent, and because I am apparently the worst speller on the planet.)

(Also, I'm changing my friends name and for fun I'm going to call her Loki.  Just roll with it.)

Me:  I slept like crap last night and I am actually wondering if perhaps I have some anxiety issues...but then I think that's lame and I don't really think that's my problem, but then I wonder when I can't fall asleep because I'm anxious about things like where I'm going to park my car.  Seriously.  WTF is wrong with me?

Loki:  That actually does sound like anxiety, and there is NOTHING lame about that.

Me:  I seriously get anxious about really lame things.  Like parking my car, or driving my husband anywhere and how I'm going to get us there.  It's worse if I'm not confident about where we are going.  I'm clearly mental.

Loki:  Well, yeah.  Obviously.  But it doesn't have to be a major thing to be anxious about for it to be anxiety.  I think it's the little every day things that make it an anxiety issue.

Me:  It makes me anxious just thinking about it. My mom always called me a "worry wart."  I really hate that term.

Loki:  No, that is a shitty term.  But so is anxious I suppose.

Me:  Great.  I'm like of of those nasty little "toy" dogs (that I hate) that pee/crap on everything because they are flighty, nervous (anxious) little things.  Or high strung.  OMG I'm a fucking poodle. Worse, I'm a toy poodle that pees in the stupid dog purse I'm carried around in!

Loki:  No.  NO YOU ARE NOT.  You are more relaxed about things than you realize.  You don't stress about everything, just certain things.  If we are doing the dog comparison thing, I'd liken it to a perfectly well adjusted dog with a bit of separation anxiety.

Me:  I internalize.  A lot.  Arf.

Loki:  Okay, you might chew on shoes sometimes, but you don't cower and pee.

Me:  ROFL

Loki:  I think internalizing is part of it, hold on...

Me:  You left me, I'm alone and anxious...

Me:  Hello?

Me:  Arf?

Me:  I think I need to pee... (J/K)

Loki:  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/generalized-anxiety-disorder/DS00502/DSECTION=symptoms  I'm not diagnosing you, I'm giving you information.  I think if you feel it is actually interfering with your life... you should see what your options are.

Loki:  And good grief.  Do I need to start putting down newspapers when I walk away? J/K

Me:  Ha ha!  Okay, reading now...

So I go and look at the symptoms, and the causes and the medications and the risks... and thought that perhaps it is plausible that I have a bit of an anxiety problem.  Having said that, not enough that I want to go be on medications or talk to a head shrinker.  On every page it did some to indicate a high potential to become dependent on medications or alcohol.  

Me:  Great, I could become an alcoholic... I'm going to be anxious about that tonight while I'm drinking my wine.

Loki:  OMFG  Laughing so hard right now, even though it isn't really funny.

Me:  My drinking comment?

Loki:  Yes.  Sorry.

Me:  I was trying to be funny  I make inappropriate things funny because I have the same problem and feel better if I'm not the only one laughing.  It defuses the situation and makes things less awkward.  

Loki:  It's a good thing we are friends!

I have awesome chats with people like that all the time.  That's just how my friends and I roll.  But in all seriousness, anxiety isn't really a laughing matter.  It keeps some people from ever leaving their house.  For me, if I am really suffering any kind of anxiety issue, it just seems to make my tummy full of freaked out butterflies and stress about how things are going to work out.  Stress can exacerbate (that means to make things worse (may all my Shaun of the Dead fan friends giggle)) things and maybe that has been part of my issue as of late.  Things usually mellow after the holidays, so maybe that will be a better time to gauge things.  You know me, I'll probably just ignore it (and fret about it) regardless. 

Sometimes You Shouldn't Share...

I have worked at some pretty interesting places over the years, and have learned much from each experience.  One of the places I really enjoyed working for was a small non-profit called Salem Childbirth Education Association.  It was a small organization that offered childbirth preparation classes, that were supposed to feel less biased than what you would get through the hospital.  It was a good group of people, but sadly demand dwindled and the organization had to close its doors.  I learned a lot about what to expect when you are expecting, and how to talk to pregnant women (and partners) in various stages and emotional ranges of pregnancy.  I also leaned what not to say.

I recently overheard a conversation today that has me wondering if there is going to be contact from an angry husband.  A man was talking to a woman that just recently (not even a week ago) had her first child.  The conversation started out innocent enough, talking about gender and baby's name.  Then it went into sleeping (and lack there of) and how she was feeling.  Then, this man tells her that he hopes she doesn't have any lingering changes like his spouse did.  Danger. Danger.  Then he goes on to say how after the first child she was unable to consume milk, she had developed a milk allergy.  The woman got quiet and sounded concerned while asking if she could drink any milk at all.  No, he tells her.  And then he tells her how after the second child she developed new food allergies, along with the milk allergy.  She timidly says she hasn't noticed any changes like that yet.  He then goes on to tell her other things like sleep issues and on and on.  This poor woman with the new baby was dead quiet.  She is either freaking out inside, because that is what new mothers do.  Their bodies are different now, for better or for worse, and it's terrifying for some women to experience these changes.  It's best not to scare the new mother, any more than she already is, I would have thought that would be common sense.

**the situation above is modified and generalized to protect the parties.  You get the idea.

Mortality

Yesterday I learned someone I went to High School with passed away.  He wasn't a close friend, or even someone I spent a lot of time with.  He was someone I would stop and talk to in the hall.  Later in life when I would be home from college and ran into him where he worked he always made time to ask me how I was doing and how life was treating me.  I never heard an unkind word from him, and I never heard an unkind word spoken about him.  Jed Haft was just a really nice guy.  He leaves behind a wife and three pretty adorable daughters.  I don't know his family; I honestly can't remember the last time I saw Jed.  Once I officially moved out of my parents house I spent as little time in our home town as possible.  My heart goes out to his family, and those people that his life touched-and from judging by his Facebook page that was a lot of people.  

When someone you know dies it makes you think all kinds of crazy things.  It makes you look at your own mortality, and the mortality of those you love.  It can make you think about the type of person you are, and wonder will people speak kindly about you when you are gone?  

What hit me when I heard the news, besides the sadness of the world losing the type of person it is running sort of, it just how quickly my world could be taken from me.  Jed and his wife had plans, and things to look forward to.  There are three little girls who now have to grow up without their dad, and do all those things girls need a dad for without theirs.  His wife has lost her rock, her partner through raising their children.  Just imagining not having David makes my heart hurt in ways that I don't believe the English language has found words to describe yet.  

Jed's passing is a painful reminder we have no idea how much time we really have.  If you will excuse me, I have to end this so I can get home to snuggle with my David.

Checking In

I'm still here!  Life has just been really busy.  I would have blogged about some of it, but I have this real problem about comfort level of what I share.  David and I are pretty private people.  I think I"m more comfortable sharing than he is, but I have my limits.   And when it comes to things going on in our lives, I have a really hard time determining the line between okay and not okay.  And, rather than talk about something David would rather I didn't... I just don't blog.  That's not a complaint, I'm a firm believer of "when in doubt, don't do it" and I'm comfortable with that.  But that has made blogging kind of complicated lately.  Also, I'm not exactly comfortable blogging about work stuff.  I'm pretty sure my boss still reads my blog, and in my line of work I know the ramifications of blogging about work stuff.

So it's safe to say, work and personal stuff have been keeping me pretty occupied lately.  Until I can find the balance between okay and too much information that's just gonna have to work for now.  We are still here, just have a lot going on.  I'll try to be better at sharing some stories of the ridiculous-I do still shop at Safeway. ;)

13 Years Ago My Life Began...

13 years ago today I married my best friend.  Best friend, soul mate, kindred spirit... all of those are appropriate, but don't even begin to encompass how I feel about David.  Yeah, this post might get all sappy.  Still being madly in love with the man I married 13 years ago entitles me to make sappy posts.  (sorry sweetie) 

I am indeed barefoot, dragging my dress through the sand and surf.

It was a really lovely day.  It started out overcast-which was fine.  But then after the ceremony, we had perfect pictures on the beach weather.  So much of the day is a blur.  I remember getting ready, I remember regretting some of the choices I had made regarding some of the people present for said getting ready, but even then said people didn't ruin my day.  Once that dress was on, and I was permitted to scuttle (really, it's hard to do anything but scuttle when you are hurrying in a really heavy dress) into the church so David and I could see each other and do pictures before the ceremony.  I remember David seeing me in my big poofy dress for the first time.  I remember standing in the same place for a really long time as people are paraded around me and my huge dress for an assortment of pictures (which I treasure now-even if my smile is tired in a a few of them). 

Aren't we cute?

I remember it being time to walk down the isle, and I remember looking at David through all the talking during the ceremony.  I remember the friends and family that came, because there had been so much other stuff going on (another wedding, a birth, a death) that I was surprised anyone came at all.  But through all of that, and some of the sadness that loomed, my David was ever steady.  

Yes, those are stained glass birds attacking us, but we don't care!

A pretty amazing day has turned into a pretty amazing 13 years.  We have been through a lot, and have weathered it all.  I can't imagine life without him.  Thank you, David, for putting up with all of me.  I'm not the easiest person to live with sometimes.  I really do fall in love with you all over again every day!  Bring on the next 13 (and more) years!

Off we go!

Just When You Thought It Was Safe

As I was getting ready to start my maneuver to go up the driveway and into the garage I noticed a dead bird in front of our neighbors house.  Not only did it upset me, as those of you who know me know I have a thing for several of our feathered friends, but I also didn't line up just so in the garage and had a bit of a grumpy about that.  I climbed out of my car and went down to see what kind of feathered friend it was.  My initial fear was that it was a crow, but saw it was too light.  Then I thought it might be our Cooper's Hawk that visits and eats a small bird or two.  Upon examination I realized (*sob*) that it was a mallard hen (*sob*).  She was smaller, so I think she was a younger hen.  She was on her back with her wings point up and her feathers were beautiful in the later afternoon sun. Her poor little head was turned to the side and barely attached to the rest of her sweet little body.  I was broken hearted, to say the least.

The neighbor, who's basketball hoop she was resting in front of, was outside mowing his lawn.  He saw me and came down to add to the story.  We have another neighbor that is elderly, retired, and likes to be in everybody's business.  Seriously.  If we are having work done on our house, he's outside talking to the workers asking about having things done at his house.  This is going to get confusing, I'm going to call the neighbor with the basketball hoop Clyde and the busybody neighbor Jones.  Clyde tells me he had discovered the duck earlier, as had Jones.  He said Jones had been outside almost watching for him to come out.  He came over and told Clyde not to worry, he had already called the police and was going to be looking into the matter.  He had also drawn a chalk outline around the duck.  By this time, David knows I'm home and is wondering why I haven't come into the house so he comes out looking for me.  I, of course, urge him to come over to where Clyde and I are talking.  Clyde feels him in and we are back to the chalk outline of the crime scene.

Seriously.  Look:  

Pardon any gore-I took this picture the following morning after she had been taken care of.  

I find this outline to be incredibly sad.  *sniff*

Jones also told Clyde he would be increasing his patrols.  Great.  

We do have some little shit heads living in the neighborhood, but I'm hopefully that they wouldn't be so evil as to kill a duck.  Clyde believes it made hard contact with his basketball hoop because there was evidence on said hoop that he was going to have to clean up.  But the lack of connection between head and body was concerning.  I don't want to think about it; it makes me feel weepy and icky.  

I will mourn for the sweet (possibly daft) duck, and hope it was a very unfortunate accident rather than the stuff that makes a Mike Myers.  

Shit I Can't Believe I Deal With at Safeway: Express Lane Coupon Lady

Yes, it is again time to share another "Shit I can't Believe I Deal With at Safeway" story.  On this occasion I was just running into the store for a bag of ice.  I anticipated it would be a quick stop.  I walked into the store and got right into the express lane.  I was a little alarmed to see the store as busy as it was; there were several 'normal' lanes open with lines and there were two express lanes open, also with lines.  I got in the express lane that had the smaller line.  There were only three people ahead of me and thankfully they only had a few items each.  I was actually thinking how refreshing it was to be in a line where the people understood the concept of 12 items or less (or however many "or less" items it was).  Then all my patience and faith in my fellow shoppers was once again crushed by the inconsiderateness of one person.  Express Lane Coupon Lady ("ELCL").  

ELCL was in line with, I'm assuming, her husband.  They only had about 8 items.  First she told the checker she wanted plastic.  Than halfway through she told him she wanted paper, double-bagged.  To add to the fun, after almost every item she asked the checker if he had scanned in her Safeway club card, which he had done after he scanned in the first item.  After getting the club card and groceries scanned, and safely stowed in double-bagged paper bags she asked him two more times if he scanned in her club card.  He explained to her (for probably not the first time) how she could tell the card was scanned by looking at the screen.  She wasn't even listening to him at this point.  She turned away and starting digging in her purse.  I wasn't sure what she was doing, her wallet was sitting on the counter.  She finds what she was looking for. She whips out a coupon and says, "last time I was here you forgot to take this off and scan it."  He looked at the coupon for a minute and said, "I'm sorry ma'am, I'm not going to be able to help you with this" and he handed the coupon back.  "I'd like you to fix this, or let me speak to a manager" she said.

By this time the lines are starting to get even more backed up, there were at least eight people behind me. ELCL's husband looked around and urged his wife to drop it for now.  She told him to shut up.  The checker ducked out to speak with someone at customer service for a moment.  The checker came back and asks ELCL if she had her receipt with her.  She looked at him like he was an idiot and told him that it was from a week and a half ago and that she most certainly did not have it with her.  He politely told her he would need that in order to give her the credit because if he were to try to added it to her current transaction it wouldn't let him because she had not purchased the item this trip, so he would need to look up the transaction where she had made the purchase.  Bless this patient checker, he looked to see how backed up his lane was before turning to ELCL to apologize that he was unable to help her, that he was unable to do a search like that, and that she should speak to customer service.  ELCL was oblivious the the dark looks she was getting from the people in line behind her.  She got all snotty and said to the checker "I thought that's what the club card was for, so you could look up my past transactions."  It looked like the checker was just about out of patience.  The husband must have known because he was now trying to pull his wife away from the counter so the checker could take care of someone else (ME).  She thankfully relented, but grabbed at her purse in a manner that suggested she was not happy.  I purchased my ice and as I was leaving, noticed she was having a heated debate with the poor gal that was working customer service.

What a bitch.  Seriously, the coupon was for 30 cents.  I realize every little bit helps, and maybe they really needed that 30 cents... but she didn't have to be so rude and snarky about it.  And really, is the express lane the lane to do that in?  /end rant

Something I Learned on a Morning Walk

I meant to post this last month, when it actually happened but you know how life goes.  Also, I pretty much just forgot about it until this morning.  

So last month I learned something I felt important to share with my two readers.  

Don't.

Look.

In.

Other.

Peoples.

Truck-beds.

Seriously, do not do it. 

We were walking our normal morning route and I just happened to glance into someone's uncovered truck bed.  There was a carcass there.  There may have even been more than one.  I don't know. I couldn't process what I had seen.  I didn't stop, I didn't do a double take, but there is no doubt there was a carcass back there.  David and I guessed deer, and maybe a rabbit or some other smaller animal.  They were both skinned.  Once seen, it cannot be unseen.  Lesson learned.  If you don't want to potentially see some really weird shit, do not look in peoples uncovered truck beds.   

Hard to be Back

Jeep at Pilot Butte

I had the best intentions of trying to blog while we were in Bend, but it was just so lovely there...and I didn't even have the slightest itch to pull out my laptop.  So I didn't.  We had a lovely time, and did take some pictures.  I'll try to work on getting some of those up in the next few days.  I think right now I'm just missing it too much.  Did I mention we had a really lovely time?

It's Been a Year Since This Happened....

My nose piercing!

I get excited about really silly things, I'm easily amused.  I can't believe a whole year has gone by since this event occurred!  I still love it.  Thank you to my husband who puts up with my weird needs, and thank you to the Crimson Cohort for accompanying me on the adventure last year.  

Ender's Game

I am a pretty crazy reader.  I go through these insane bursts of reading where I go through books like chocolate and wine.  Then I have my quiet periods where I just can't get into a book, like all my reading ability has been drained and I need to wait for it to recharge.  I just came out of one of those quiet periods and am once again devouring books.  I am on Goodreads, which I have been horrible at updating.  I think I was trying to blog reviews here, which I was also horrible at doing.  Sometimes I just don't have words after I have finished a book, and sometimes rather than letting the books sink in, I dive into the next and the previous book is usually forgotten (well, not really fresh enough for me to blog/review anymore).  David and I just read a book together, and I think it's still fresh enough to write about.  I'll try not to be too spoiler-y, but I can't make any promises.  David-you can add to this if you feel so inclined. ;)

So the book we just finished was "Ender's Game" by Orson Scott Card.  I read this book a really really really long time ago.  Long enough that I really had zero memory about what happened and it was like I was reading it for the first time.  It is a science fiction novel, which is right up my alley.  It takes place on earth, briefly, and in space (yay!).  We follow Andrew "Ender" Wiggin though his journey, and the side stories of his siblings Peter and Valentine Wiggin.  These children, and I do mean children, are incredibly (frighteningly) talented.  Earth is in a sort of holding state on the cusp of war with the "Buggers", and children are being bred and groomed to be the army that goes to war.  The result is some incredibly aggressive, mean and chilling children.  In Ender's family, his siblings were not chosen to follow the path he was. His brother Peter made me think of Mike Meyers as a young lass (but school smart).  Valentine wasn't abusive, but she was manipulative.  Most of the book is told through Ender, except for some snippets from those shaping the youth of that day.  We follow Ender through his training, and how he perceives his world, and the actions of others around him and to him.  It wasn't entirely easy to read because of the things that happen, especially when you remember it's happening to children, many of which are not even in their teens yet.  The manipulation and abuse was frightening.  I would relate my emotions reading this book, not unlike what I felt watching Hunger Games (and I will point out I have not actually read Hunger Games, I have only watched the movie).  Different plots, but both terrible scenarios.  Having said that, I still feel Ender's Game was a good book.  It was thought provoking and even if it made me feel icky, I'm still thinking about it.  If I'm still thinking about it, it was a good book.  Hope I didn't give anything good away, I tried to be generic.  Actually now that I've written this I feel like I should give Hunger Games a read.  Especially since I will see the Ender's Game movie after it's come out on DVD.  

Wish We Were Here....

This is a sunset shot from from our first stay at our new beach getaway.  It's still so new and special I won't even share the name, maybe after our next stay (and we have a few more stays planned before the end of the year).  Our first time here was so relaxing.  We had an amazing room, it was lovely inside and very comfy.  This was our view from the balcony.  We spent a lot of time the first night just sitting outside on that balcony absorbing the ocean.  We had a bottle of wine (or three) and just talked and took in the view mother nature gave us.  That first night, we left the window open and piled quilts on the bed-it was the best nights sleep I had had in ages.  We came home from the lovely weekend recharged and refreshed.  When I close my eyes and go to my happy place, this is my view.  Wish we were there...

Puppy

So, it's been awhile since I've posted any Riley photos. Here is our lovely beast-cranky as ever!

(she is clearly pleased about me taking her picture)

New Addition!

Well, it was really a new addition last month...now it is an official part of the family!  Meet Jeep:

Pretty sexy huh?

David has wanted a Jeep for, well, a really long time.  It was nice to be able to get him into is dream vehicle, especially since thanks to him I've been driving mine for almost 2 years now.  The sad side to this whole deal was we said good by to Truck.  Truck has gone many places with us and there are many fond, and traumatic (what happened on that crazy drive to Nebraska with the worst storm EVER stays with Truck) memories associated with our time together (and to be clear most of the memories are fond).  Truck:

Gone, but not forgotten.  Thanks for all the great memories! 

Now we get to make new fun memories and go on fun adventures with Jeep.  I'm looking forward to many adventures!

How Could I Forget My Lock!

It may be small, but I love it just as much as my larger pieces!  I got this beauty (once again from the one and only Alena Chun at Icon Tattoo in Portland Oregon) when David got his first ink.  Again, not the best of photos, but you get the idea!

Healed Crow Tattoo!

Look at that face!

This is my most recent piece from the wonderful Alena Chun at Icon Tattoo in Portland Oregon.  This one is a little longer than the owl, and harder for me to snap a full pic with my handy dandy iPhone.  I'll eventually do a post with nicer pictures of all my finished pieces.  For now, this is what I've got.  I believe this finishes up the bird tattoos (but one never knows).  Once again, I couldn't be more pleased with how it turned out!  On to the next... (October-yay!)

Healed Owl Tattoo!

I realize this isn't the greatest picture (the bottom is cut off), but considering I took it myself with my iPhone I feel pretty happy about it.  My owl is another fabulous piece by the one and only Alena Chun at Icon Tattoo in Portland  Oregon.  It took a few sittings, but it was worth every single minute!  I am so pleased with how it turned out.  On to the next! ;)

Meh

I look at this (neglected) blog (that I love) and realize what a boring person I am.  Okay, maybe not completely boring, but I look boring if I judge myself by this blog (which I do some days).  I hardly ever post, and when I do it's kind of a whiny post (like this one).

Maybe part of the problem is pictures, as in I used to take a lot more of them and would post them here along with the adventure behind them.  We are still going on adventures, I just haven't been taking pictures.  Then I wonder, why have I stopped taking pictures?  It's not because I hate having my picture taken (I do).  I don't hate our camera.  I usually don't mind dumping the photos to my laptop (but it is kind of a chore).  Have I really become that lazy?

We've had a few lovely trips to our new place on the coast and I didn't blog about it, or post pictures (except for a few on facebook).  I don't think I've even pulled the pictures off the camera.  Now, we are getting ready to go on another get away (YA *kermit flailing*).  I am going to try harder to post about this one.  

We've also been busy taking care of some things around the house (planned and then the unplanned).  I am so thrilled with the changes, I'm sad I haven't even blogged about those!

I just need to brush aside the lazies and get blogging about some of this stuff.  There may or may not be a onslaught of posts coming. 

So...

I hate having the feeling like I have a lot to say, but then when I sit down and try to blog nothing wants to come out. It's like my brain and vocabulary are constipated and I am clueless about what to use as a laxative.  You don't even want to know how long it took me to put that sentence together.

David and I are doing good.  We've continued on our path to getting healthy and it is paying off.  We have come far, but there is still a long way to go.  The weight is slowly coming off for me, and I'm sure the medication I'm on for my hella high cholesterol don't help with that BUT they have helped with the hella high cholesterol so I will try not to get too bent out of shape about it.  It's all for the greater good.  And I just keep telling myself that if is slow to come off (the weight) then it's gonna stay off.  

We are both still employed.  

Puppy is still crazy, cranky, and OCD about her fur.

I guess that's all that's going to come out today.  /sigh

Wednesday-Sleep 3

Did battle with a stupid shelf that will be going back to the store as a rejected piece of crap.  I had fun with that, can you tell?  Working on de-scumming the shower head.  Trying something I saw on Pinterest.  I'll know how it did in 2-3 hours (or tomorrow morning).  Working on getting the energy to do battle with some really dirty floor boards.  Yeah, I should do that instead of trying to blog.  I'll be back.

So... due to extreme dirt and grime I have blown through the cleaning crap I bought and am unable to continue until I obtain more.  Which will be tomorrow.  While cleaning, I discovered my shelf building and tearing apart left me with a blister on my thumb.  On a higher note, I did battle with the cat fur that has taken over the house and I think I did some damage.  The cat is certainly pissed off at me.  I expect to come home tomorrow and find even more fur than I sucked up.  This is the way of things.

Tomorrow is gonna be a busy day, I'm going to see my parents at the coast.  I should probably try to get some sleep so I have my wits about me.

I'm one day closer to my David coming home...

Tuesday-Sleep 2

Things that are when David is away:

• I don't sleep well
• Puppy is far more creepy (I believe she feels she has the upper hand with one of her people are gone and her chances of eating one of us is far greater)
• All the noises the house makes are creepy-it's possibly haunted
• I don't sleep well
• Lights on good; lights off bad
• Walking with David is better than walking without David
• I have a lot of girl movies-I could spend the entire time sobbing over fictional characters dying/getting married/falling in love/falling out of love (etc)
• Puppy deposits the same amount of fur whether we are here or not
• I don't sleep well
• My ability to deal with bullshit is greatly less without David
• I don't sleep well

Yeah, that's just some of it.  My brain just isn't working.  I know David is out of town working, and isn't exactly thrilled that he had to go.  I feel bad complaining.  I'm actually incredibly lucky.  He would rather be here with me and the scruffy-looking fur-herder than away from us.  I get to come home to him every day, I get to spend lovely evenings with him.  He's my best friend, and the one person in the world I can confide in and trust.  It's no wonder I'm a little off balance, and lost when he's away.  

As I sit here, the cat is sitting on David's footstool with her back to me, tail twitching.  She's out of sorts too.  I don't know if I tell David enough how important he is to me.  Frankly, I think I've been a bit of a moody poop lately.  I know I'm being a little mushy, but there it is.  I miss my best friend and I'm looking forward to his return.  3 more sleeps sweetheart!

Monday-Sleep 1

It's that time again, David is out of town for work this week and I'm going to put on my big girl panties and try not to miss him too much!  We had a really lovely weekend before he had to head out, and then had a lovely cheat meal breakfast before he left.  I had to leave before he did this morning, so I still have the "shock" of empty house in my future.  It's not as bad as it sounds.  The cat is there.  I'm just used to coming home to him cooking something wonderful and pouring wine.  Man am I a lucky lady!

This week I'm hoping to start doing some things around the house to show him I really do care about how the place looks, and that I appreciate all his hard work that he's done around the place.  My list is long, and painful, and I won't finish before he gets home.  But it will help pass the time and it will feel good to be moving around and getting things done.  I just have to survive the rest of the work day, a quick errand and then I'm home.

----Fast forward to being home----

Had a package waiting for me from Amazon-we have a new French Press (pics later).  As soon as I got out of the car I heard puppy meowing, I think she was tired of being alone.  She's used to have David around during the day.  And I think even though she is off doing cat things I think she misses having him in the house.  I am pretty sure that's a compliment.

As I was putting away some DVD's a spider as big as my head crawled out and tried to eat me.  I think I'm done cleaning for today.  Tomorrow is a whole new day.

4 sleeps sweetheart-we can do this!

<3 nbsp="">

Shit I Can't Believe I Deal With at Safeway: Wine Jerks

It's time for another installment of "shit I can't believe I deal with at Safeway."  Let me set this up for you.  It's Monday, around 4:40 pm.  I have finished work for the day and stop at the store at my way home.  It's sunny out, only a few clouds in the sky.  There is a nice breeze.  I have my list organized by isles (helps me be quick, and not forget items and I don't care if it makes me sound OCD), so I start on the fun side of the store.  The wine isle.

Our Safeway doesn't have a huge wine selection, and it's tucked in by the bakery/bread isle so it tends to get a little congested.  David and I have done our experimenting and have a good idea of what we like so when I go to buy wine I already know what I want and where it is.  Today was no different.  The store was busy, but not more so than usual.  I'll admit there were more kids and parents with that deer-in-the-headlights look that is not uncommon at the start of summer break.  

I get to the wine isle and I put my cart in what I hoped would be an out of the way spot (by some stale looking bread and ugly cookies).  I get my wine carriers unfolded and ready, and then head over to pull armfuls of wine from the shelf.  David and I have been enjoying the red wine lately, especially Ghost Pines Cabernet Sauvignon and 14 Hands Merlot (I know, it's a fucking Merlot...but don't judge me).  We've been buying those two for awhile now, so I knew where they were on the shelf.  

Blocking me from my precious wine are two people (Wine Jerks, henceforth called WJ) and their shopping cart.  

I stand there for a moment trying to be patient, hoping that they will see me looking anxiously at the wine and will politely move.  They are scrutinizing each bottle the pick up and wondering about how fruity or dry the wine will be.  They have a six pack in their cart with a few bottles of wine, all different.  They choose to ignore me.  Things are getting serious now.

WJ:  They are talking to one another  "Do you think this would be good on the patio before dinner?  Hmmm... that's a good question."

Me:  I am standing maybe an arms length away, looking like I really need to grab some wine 

WJ:  She pulls a bottle out of their wine carrier in the cart, "I'm still not sure about this one..." he has a bottle in each hand and is looking at each label like it will tell him a secret.

Me:  I'm starting to get fed up,  "Excuse me, can I get through and grab some wine?"  I gesture towards what I want, which is where their cart is parked.

WJ:  They both look at me as if I have asked them to leave the store immediately.  He responds,  "No, we are in the process of picking wine."

Me:  I am trying to process what he just said.  "I know what I want, it's right there... "I point at the Ghost Pines

WJ:  Still the guy, "We'll move when we are finished picking our wine!" and then he turns away from me and goes back to his slow deliberation.

Me:  I'm standing there completely gobsmacked.  They seriously wouldn't move aside even just a step?  "But I just need to get in right there... "  I again point at the Ghost Pines.

WJ:  They both look at me like I have horns (side note: if only I had horns...) He again responds, "We will move, when we are done."

So now I'm pissed.  I'm still standing there, not sure what to do.  I've never had someone say no they won't move.  The woman is down closer to the beginning of the isle and makes some excited noise about a bottle of wine.  The man takes a few steps over to meet her and inspect the bottle she is holding.  I rush in, grab all the Ghost Pines on the shelf and walk victoriously back to my cart.  There were only 2 bottles (I wanted more), so I had to go back and get some 14 Hands.  I went back and waited for another opportunity, but they were not budging so finally I just sort of pushed my way through and again snatched all the wine off the shelf.  I only got 3 bottles, I needed one more but I wasn't about to stand there and try to pick one.  So, I shot them several dirty looks and then I took my wine and went to another part of the store.  When I was done getting everything else I needed I went back to the wine section and got my last bottle (14 Hands table red or something like that).  Their cart was still there, but they were no where to be found.  I can only hope that the dirty looks I shot them as I stormed off incinerated them.

Don't get between a woman and her wine.  Seriously.  Don't.

~Emily

Life and Updates

It's been a while again since I've posted.  I've pretty much been a tired grump.  But it hasn't all been bad.  

Work has been overwhelming-lots to do and not always the most efficient way to do it.  Also, with additions to the staff it has made more/extra/additional work for me and I don't think I quite anticipated that.  I'm getting to do less of the "fun" stuff I enjoyed doing like drafting pleadings, and am having to do more the stuff I find less stimulating like administrative stuff.  Hopefully this is just a temporary thing while we all figure things out.  The good news is, I did finally get a chance to make some headway thing things that were getting backed up and causing me some anxiety and I'm feeling a little less out of control.  Here's to hoping that continues!

David and I are doing great!  We had a lovely long weekend together were we just sorta hung out, did stuff around the house, played WoW and drank some lovely wine.  We've been staying on our program of smarter eating, and walking every day (except Sunday-gotta let the body have a day to heal) and I feel like it's been paying off.  David is looking great-I am so proud of all of his hard work and progress!  I don't know how much he realizes he has changed since we started this...he is inspiring me to stay on track!  Yesterday I realized I really shouldn't be wearing the pants I had on, as they were pretty much falling off.  In fact, most of the pants I've been wearing are too loose (something I NEVER thought I'd say!), so I took a trip through my own closet and realized the pants I was waiting to be able to fit, now fit!  That was actually a huge moment for me.  I'm motivated to continue!

When I look at things all typed out here, I am again reminded how lucky I really am.  David is the best husband/partner/friend/everything I could ask for.  We are starting to get things in order around the house and in the workshop.  We've been causually playing WoW again and enjoying the new content with out the stress or pressure to play or level.  We are feeling better (despite work stress and the weather making it hard to sleep/get up sometimes) and working on being more active.  Things can only get more awesome, right?

~Emily

Three Sleeps (Well, Two Now!)

I know it's been a while since I've written here.  In a way it's good because it means I've been busy (maybe doing things I can write about when I am not so busy) but then in a way it's sad because I'm not sitting down and writing.  I just can't seem to find the balance I need to get everything done that I really want to.  That's something I really need to work on.

David is out of town for three sleeps trip.  While he's gone I use that time to try to sort through my crap and do some cleaning.  I'm hoping to do some of that this time while he's out.  I really need to reorganize and clean up my "creative" spaces.  I have things in the wrong places, and essentially I think I have the environment all wrong.  So I am going to work on that.

This time is also going to test me, to see if I can continue with the good habits we have been putting in place. Such as, making smart food choices and hauling my lazy butt out of bed in the morning to walk.  I am pleased to report, so far so good!  No binge eating or late night snacking or stopping somewhere and getting junk food of any kind.  Had a safe meal at a favorite restaurant with a friend for dinner.  Got up this morning and walked (admittedly it was a shorter walk, but I slept like crap so it was kind of amazing I got out of bed at all).  Ate a good breakfast, packed a good lunch... I totally have this under control.

~Emily

Oh How I Love My Hemi

So yesterday I was kind of grumpy.  It had been a busy day, which was fine, and I got out a little later than I meant to.  I had an errand to do on my way home so I was a little irked about being behind my own personal schedule.  Then, as I'm driving through town to my one stop, I seem destined to stop at every stop light.  

Every.

Stop light.

And, on top of it I was stuck behind a bus.  And everyone behind me was zooming around to get past the bus so there was no way I felt I could safely switch lanes.  I guess the one thing I can be thankful for is that my ass and/or genitals were not on fire like all the people whizzing past me.  

Despite the stop lights, and the bus, I make it to my destination.  I was in a bit of a mood, but my errand didn't go as slowly as it could have; they had everything I needed and I didn't have to wait in line as long as I am accustom to.  I found myself back in my car in no time.

I pull out on the main road and find myself stuck behind yet another incompetent driver.  I can tell almost as soon as I pull out that I'm going to be mad.  She was driving 10 under the speed limit. 

UGH!

People are already starting to zip past me.  I was done.  I saw a chance to move just as the car behind me did and I cut them off before they could get by me.  My revenge does not stop here.  Not only did I block that car from passing me.  I stopped that car from passing the slow car I was trying to get away from.  And it gets better.  Not only did I stop that one car, I stopped all the cars behind it.  I made sure I did not pass the slow woman, I was either along side her or just slightly ahead.  But this time, she's going almost half the speed limit.  

People other than me were pissed.  I was actually starting to feel pretty okay.

Then in my final act of giving all those people behind me a good "f--k you," at the the place in the road where it merges from two lanes down to one I waited until the last (douchey-est) moment possible, to use that beautiful Hemi engine my amazing husband made sure I had, to zipped around the slow lady in just a way that no one else could get around her.  I drove the rest of the way home (really only 2-3 minutes) the speed limit and with a huge evil grin on my face.

~Emily

Updates to Goals Post

I thought I should post and update to my previous post, Goals.  It's been a few weeks and David and I have been hard at work making changes.  We have been walking every day (except for currently because we are sick and I don't want to leave a snot trail around the neighborhood) and eating better.  It's when I look back that I can see that some good things are happening.

We are both dropping some weight.  I can see things fitting David more loosely (whether he believes me or not).  I know I'm fitting into some stuff that I couldn't wear back when I made the Goals post.  I'm sleeping a little better (when I'm not sick that is).  And now that I have changed my walking shoes I think my back is going to start feeling better as well.  The best thing is having a little more energy (again, when I'm not sick).  I feel more inclined to do things like go to the store with David after work, and make salad fixings for the next day the night before.  I'm not as content being lazy on the couch staring at the TV.  This is a big deal!  Granted it's not getting my cross stitching done, but I feel like I'm getting more things done that I need to be getting done and it makes me feel more accomplished.  

Right now my main goal is to get rid of this cold.  I like the positive changes that have been taking place so I want to get back to work.  Eating right isn't enough for me, I need to be walking.  It's taken me a long time, but I finally understand that.  There has to be that balance between eating enough, but not too much, and being active enough to burn the calories.  There has to be that balance.  I'm down with the diet changes we have made.  Sure, there are things I miss.  But it's just food.  And just because I'm staying away from it now, doesn't mean I can't have some (moderation) down the road.  Right now I'm so motivated to meet my goals that I really do think about things more, like yeah I might really want that frappachino, but I'd really like to get some of the fat clothes out of my closet more.  

So, despite being sick and still having a lot to figure out, I think David and I are doing great!  I'm really proud of all the changes he has made, and how he is taking his own health into his hands.  He is setting an excellent example for me and makes it easier for me to do the same, which I hope in turn helps him keep up his good work.  I should have taken some before pictures, so I could post random progress.  I'll just have to settle for us being more willing to be in pictures and I'll share those. :)

~Emily

Progress!

We took last Thursday and Friday off to make a long weekend, and we spent said long weekend doing something insane.  We purged.

Now don't let your mind go to some dark place where you see us vomiting, or going to a really dark place and doing some sort of cleanse you don't talk about in polite company.  We rented a trash bin and we cleared out the last 10 years-worth of stuff we had been holding on to but were not using.

I'm not going to deny it, I have pack-rat tendencies (I even named the trash bin, Bluey).  I come by it naturally; I think my father's side of the family tend to hold on to things.  So between just holding on to things, and then just having the things you just never got around to tossing (broken chairs, you get the idea) we had some stuff to get rid of.  We've been talking about doing this for awhile so when we finally committed to doing it we came up with our game plan for what absolutely needed to go in that bin first and worked from there.  I'm proud to say thanks to David's hoisting and our ability to work together we got all the stuff out of the house we wanted to get rid of.  There are, or course, still things to toss but now it's more of an as we are reorganizing rooms we toss things.  Very manageable, and very therapeutic to de-clutter.

I think it's really part of the new leaf we are turning over.  You saw my list of goals, where I am listing little things to keep me motivated to get healthy and take better care of myself.  It seems the desire to get healthy and make changes includes the house.  It make sense.  If I'm trying to make smarter, healthier choices for myself I would want to surround myself with smarter, healthier things to make my (our) goals easier.  

It feels good.  It feels right.  I'm tired of feeling squishy and frumpy.  This weekend and our success in operation de-clutter encourage me to continue doing what I need to do.  Now, I'm looking forward to going through each room and making it more like the people we are now rather than the people we were 10 years ago.  

Tuber

There are precious moments in my day where I fall in love with my husband all over again--not to say that I'm not crazy about him all day every day--but every day there is a moment where something happens, or is said or even done where I just can't believe this amazing guy wants to put up with me (all of me).  Here is one of those moments:

We were listening to the radio while driving home from food shopping when a Viagra commercial started playing. The topic was "Are you sick and tired of paying to much for your Viagra?".

Me: I am sick of paying too much for my Viagra.

David: Looks over at me and then back (he was driving). Then he says out of the blue "Lady boner".

Me:  Boner is a funny word.

David:  It is.  Boner.  Boner.  Boner boner boner. Boner.

Me:  It just sounds strange.

David:  And it's wrong, there's no bone down there.  It's misleading.

Me:  Yeah, they should have called it something else.

David:  It's more of a meat tube; a tube of meat; no bone. Frank and beans is far more accurate. Why don't they call it a frankie?

Me:  (there was some giggling about meat tube and frankie)  They should have called it a tuber!

David:  (there was more giggling about tuber) Yes!

And then David started saying tuber like Arnold Schwarzenegger.

David: Tooobah. Tooobah. I went to doctor for Viagra and now I have a permanent toobaah.

I think we took yet another normal innocent word and made it dirty (funny).  No one makes me laugh like David does.  I'm a lucky lady!

~Emily (and David (accuracy is key when talking about toobahs!))

Goals

Life has this way of throwing curve balls at you.  One of my survival instincts is to take those situations and find the positives.  I don't do well with bad news, I tend to shut down.  I don't like shutting down, so I have adapted.  Anyway, it is time to make some life changes and to help me stay focused and on track I'm making a list of long term and short term goals/things to look forward to.  Ultimately the main goal is getting healthy and staying healthy, and being the support for my husband to do the same.  We are responsible for our own heath, but if we are both striving towards the same goal our chances of success are much better.  Now for the icing on the cake:

Short/medium term: (changes I'll start seeing after a month and onward)

• bye bye shortness of breath
• dropping down sizes and being able to purge some clothes to make room for shoes
• more energy
• sleeping better (hopefully snoring less)
• feeling better about myself, dressing better, maybe actually feeling more girly
• more tattoos (always)

Long term: (things to aim/look forward to)

• walking into a store like Nordstroms and being able to buy a suit (with alterations of course, I'm short and will always be curvy)
• being able to buy clothes off the rack in a store that is not Lane Bryant
• possibly being able to fit into some naughty boots
• back and knee pain less of an issue because they hurt less because I'm not a lazy lump
• fitting more comfortably into airplane seats (seeing more of the world with David would be awesome)
• fitting more comfortably into venue seats (concerts, and more importantly a Canucks game!)
• more locations for tattoos (less self-conscience about body)
• Steampunk outfit (need I say more?)

Well, that's a start.  I'm sure I'll think of more.  

Voice, Balance and Discretion

At night as I'm falling asleep I draft these amazing blog posts in my head.  I just know they are witty, clever, and insightful.  Unfortunately I fall asleep and remember nothing except maybe a vague hint of what I wanted to write about.

Fat lot of good that does me.  

This happened to me last night.  This morning the only thing I remembered was "kids."  There are so many directions that could take, but I have no clue where my mind was in regards to "kids" last night.  It could have been anything from thoughts about friends who have kids who seem utterly miserable, or happy reflections on times with my sisters kids, or even melancholy thoughts about not having any of our own.  My mind drifts so easily as I'm drifting off.  I guess I will never know.

I like to think whatever it was, it was something insightful, entertaining and witty.  I'm afraid if there were a way to record the draft post I was composing that I would look back on it in the morning and wonder what kind of drugs I was on.  Again, I guess I will never know.

All I do know is it leaves me with an itch to blog but nothing to blog about.  I do things.  I have things happen.  For some reason I have a really hard time being able to determine what I can post about, and what things are better left unsaid.  (Must protect the guilty)  So, rather than taking a small leap and posting I second guess myself and keep quiet.  How does one find a voice, or the balance to write about things experienced without pissing off the people around them?  Or getting fired.  

Maybe I'm not as clever as I think I am.  I can't come up with super awesome nicknames for people and write about things in ways that it makes them vague?  So far, no I can't.  I'l keep looking for the secret.  Until then, dear reader, you get what you get.  I'm sharing what I feel comfortable sharing-I respect David and his privacy.  Puppy, however, is a different story.  

Until next time, good night.

~Emily

Title Here

I'm sitting here feeling a little bit pouty.  I really shouldn't because in life there are just some things that have to be done and nothing that can be done about it except to let it happen.

Short story version:  David is out of town for 2 sleeps.

I should really count myself as lucky.  It's only 2 sleeps, instead of 5.  I got to spend a lovely morning with him dining on bacon and snuggling on the couch (not at the same time).  And most importantly, I know my sweet husband wants to be home with me rather than away.  He doesn't see a business trip as a vacation from me, and I can't even begin to put into words how much that means to me.  Vacations are something we do together, and we have one in the works-you know, something lovely to look forward to. :)

So in short, I'm gonna quit being a baby and I'm gonna suck it up.  In 2 sleeps my sweetie is coming home to me and all will be right in my world again.

Wow, I can't believe I haven't posted some sort of something since November!  I guess we've been busy doing stuff.

Work has kept us both pretty busy.  David had to do some traveling.  The firm I work for just hired a new associate.  That is enough work stuff.

When not working, David has been cooking me some really fantastic meals!  I need to be better about taking pictures but I'm so excited to eat it I've devoured most of it before I even think about taking a picture.  David has been posting recipes on our cooking blog (things we like to cook) so be sure to check it out!  In my free time I've been doing some cross-stitching, something I haven't really done in a while but have really missed doing. It's one of those things I can do while watching TV in the evening so I don't feel like I'm just sitting there wasting time.

We are both doing good, and hanging in there.  Until the next post...

~Emily