Shit I Can't Believe I Deal With at Safeway: Wine Jerks

It's time for another installment of "shit I can't believe I deal with at Safeway."  Let me set this up for you.  It's Monday, around 4:40 pm.  I have finished work for the day and stop at the store at my way home.  It's sunny out, only a few clouds in the sky.  There is a nice breeze.  I have my list organized by isles (helps me be quick, and not forget items and I don't care if it makes me sound OCD), so I start on the fun side of the store.  The wine isle.

Our Safeway doesn't have a huge wine selection, and it's tucked in by the bakery/bread isle so it tends to get a little congested.  David and I have done our experimenting and have a good idea of what we like so when I go to buy wine I already know what I want and where it is.  Today was no different.  The store was busy, but not more so than usual.  I'll admit there were more kids and parents with that deer-in-the-headlights look that is not uncommon at the start of summer break.  

I get to the wine isle and I put my cart in what I hoped would be an out of the way spot (by some stale looking bread and ugly cookies).  I get my wine carriers unfolded and ready, and then head over to pull armfuls of wine from the shelf.  David and I have been enjoying the red wine lately, especially Ghost Pines Cabernet Sauvignon and 14 Hands Merlot (I know, it's a fucking Merlot...but don't judge me).  We've been buying those two for awhile now, so I knew where they were on the shelf.  

Blocking me from my precious wine are two people (Wine Jerks, henceforth called WJ) and their shopping cart.  

I stand there for a moment trying to be patient, hoping that they will see me looking anxiously at the wine and will politely move.  They are scrutinizing each bottle the pick up and wondering about how fruity or dry the wine will be.  They have a six pack in their cart with a few bottles of wine, all different.  They choose to ignore me.  Things are getting serious now.

WJ:  They are talking to one another  "Do you think this would be good on the patio before dinner?  Hmmm... that's a good question."

Me:  I am standing maybe an arms length away, looking like I really need to grab some wine 

WJ:  She pulls a bottle out of their wine carrier in the cart, "I'm still not sure about this one..." he has a bottle in each hand and is looking at each label like it will tell him a secret.

Me:  I'm starting to get fed up,  "Excuse me, can I get through and grab some wine?"  I gesture towards what I want, which is where their cart is parked.

WJ:  They both look at me as if I have asked them to leave the store immediately.  He responds,  "No, we are in the process of picking wine."

Me:  I am trying to process what he just said.  "I know what I want, it's right there... "I point at the Ghost Pines

WJ:  Still the guy, "We'll move when we are finished picking our wine!" and then he turns away from me and goes back to his slow deliberation.

Me:  I'm standing there completely gobsmacked.  They seriously wouldn't move aside even just a step?  "But I just need to get in right there... "  I again point at the Ghost Pines.

WJ:  They both look at me like I have horns (side note: if only I had horns...) He again responds, "We will move, when we are done."

So now I'm pissed.  I'm still standing there, not sure what to do.  I've never had someone say no they won't move.  The woman is down closer to the beginning of the isle and makes some excited noise about a bottle of wine.  The man takes a few steps over to meet her and inspect the bottle she is holding.  I rush in, grab all the Ghost Pines on the shelf and walk victoriously back to my cart.  There were only 2 bottles (I wanted more), so I had to go back and get some 14 Hands.  I went back and waited for another opportunity, but they were not budging so finally I just sort of pushed my way through and again snatched all the wine off the shelf.  I only got 3 bottles, I needed one more but I wasn't about to stand there and try to pick one.  So, I shot them several dirty looks and then I took my wine and went to another part of the store.  When I was done getting everything else I needed I went back to the wine section and got my last bottle (14 Hands table red or something like that).  Their cart was still there, but they were no where to be found.  I can only hope that the dirty looks I shot them as I stormed off incinerated them.

Don't get between a woman and her wine.  Seriously.  Don't.

~Emily