It's been awhile since I've posted anything that isn't a cryptic Taking Stock, a book review or even a music recommendation. That's because there were some things being discussed and some decisions being made, and it was better to get things set into motion before making them public knowledge. Things have started moving forward and now I feel like it's okay to share what's going on.
The short version, we are moving.
The longer version, seriously, we are moving! For those of you who know me this probably comes as a big surprise. Me, changing something? Yup! This has been a long time coming. While there are things we like about the area we are living in now, there are lots of things we don't like. Lately, the things we don't like column has been growing. Realizing that, and seeing that it didn't look like that was going to change meant it was time for us to make a change. It wasn't an easy decision. I do not do well with change, and it's because of me that we've remained here as long as we have. But even I could see we needed to do this.
The decision was made, then there was a process to follow. For practical reasons, I would need to find a new job and have that lined up before we even looked for a new place. Having a job lined up would be security moving forward, and it would also give us a starting area to hunt for a new place to hang our (viking) hats. We would also begin getting our current house ready to put up on the market.
Well, the new job has been obtained. That was a crazy experience I am sure I will blog about at another time. It happened a little faster than I think either of us anticipated, but it worked out. I'll be commuting for a while while we start looking for a place now. That's going to take some time, but one thing I've learned about my husband is he knows a lot of stuff, including how to do all this. Moving is going to be daunting, the whole process of hunting and getting our home ready to sell. There is also the whole having to go through and get rid of 15 years worth of stuff. I have a tendency to hold on to stuff, and I'm going to have to let some of that go. It will be good for us to downsize some. The cat is going to have to learn to live her life a little bit closer to us. It's going to be nice to be closer to family, friends, food (as in better grocery shopping), restaurants (as in not just crappy chain restaurants), and other things that are important to use.
I know this hasn't been easy on David. I've been freaking out at pretty epic levels. He has been incredibly patient and kind. He is my rock. I need to pull my crap together and make sure I'm his rock too. There is a lot of pressure on him as things continue to move forward, and I appreciate everything he is doing/stressing about/planning/scheduling to make this happen. I know once everything is done, and we are relaxing in our new place, eating some amazing food because we will have such a better grocery shopping selection, it will all have been worth it. More to come as things progress!
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts
Monday, May 11, 2015
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Siblings
I try to be one of those people that doesn't let things get to me, but they do. I will say I'm okay, or I understand because I don't want my irrational hurt (because usually it is irrational, and then I even out) to cause more hurt or make things worse. It takes me a while to process, the good and the bad, so really it's best to let me internalize it for a while. I know that can lead to blow ups and seemingly spontaneous crying fits. I try not to let it get that bad, but sometimes it just does. I realized (as I have been stewing about something), I should just write about it. So, here goes.
Some history first, because I feel like it is required. My sisters and I have three older half siblings. I'm changing their names for privacy and will attempt to be vague about too many details in their lives for the same reason. It's not a big secret. I don't omit them or pretend they don't exist, they just never come up because they are not a part of our lives. We've always known about them, but we didn't get to grow up with them and we didn't get to meet them. I'm not going to go into the details of why, but suffice to say our relationship (or lack there of) was determined by people that thought they were making the best choices for those involved at the time. Growing up I was always curious, hopeful, and a little afraid that they would appear one day. I wanted to meet them, these big sisters I always wanted, but I was afraid that maybe they didn't want us or that they were somehow mad at us.
Jane, Mary, and Anne. Growing up we had been shown pictures of them. Our grandma had some school photos that had been provided to her, and one of our favorite things to do when we would visit was look at her photo albums. I think if you could take a photo of the six of us with dad you would see a family resemblance, but in passing I don't think it would be as obvious. When I was younger I wondered if I would recognize them if we ever ran into them. The pictures grandma had were old by the time we got our hands on them. We knew about them, I wondered if they knew about us.
It was around my third year of college when I became aware that Anne was in Portland. Somehow I also knew where she was working. It seemed so strange to me, here is this person I'm related to but have never met just a few hours away. And then it hit me, what was stopping me from meeting her? After 20 some years of pretty much living in the same place and no one showing up to meet us maybe it was time to make a move. The only thing that holding me back was not wanting to do something that would come back and hurt dad, or anyone. But I was tired of not knowing these sisters and all of the sudden I had a way to do something about that.
I talked to dad and told him what I wanted to do. The idea was, to go up to her place of work with a small support group and finally meet her. Melanie was going to college not to far from where Anne was working, so my roommate Jayne and I would go stay the night with Melanie and her roommate Sam, and then the four of us would go meed Anne. I hoped it would go well, and she would want to get to know us and then Sara could meet her. Dad understood where I was coming from, and was supportive about us meeting her. Always protective, I was reminded not to get my hopes up because we had no way of knowing what they had been told growing up. Maybe there was a reason they had not come looking for us and our intrusion (because it very well could be perceived as such) into Anne's life could be unwelcome. I went in knowing it may not be a good experience.
Planning to do it was easy enough, it was when we were actually headed there and on our way into where she worked that I became incredibly nervous. The details of the actual event are pretty fuzzy. I was really glad to have Melanie, Jayne and Sam with me. We were just showing up, unannounced at Anne's place of employment. I was a little freaked out about how she was going to respond. We found the restaurant, and we were seated at a nice table. I remember wondering what on earth I was doing and was questioning the path I was going down. Having Melanie there was a huge help. In an uncharacteristic moment, I took charge of the situation and set things in motion. I asked the server if Anne was working, which she was, and then asked if he could send her over at her convenience.
Anne came over, and we introduced ourselves. The encounter is kind of a crazy blur. I'm pretty sure I was the spokesperson for our group, which is very much unlike me. I know Anne was surprised and not entirely thrilled, but she handled it well. She didn't freak out. She was actually very nice, and more open to the experience than she could have been. She could have simply said "nope" and walked away. Instead she took a break and sat down with us to talk. I told her why we had come, that we didn't have any expectations. We just wanted to meet her. We told her what we knew about the situation. Anne was surprised we knew as much about them as we did, and I was surprised they knew as little about us as they did. I like to think it meant something, on some level, to Anne that they weren't forgotten. We exchanged information, and she politely thanked us for finding her, and told us we had given her a lot to think about. I hoped she would write, but I wasn't sure.
I think we did exchange a few notes or holiday cards, but it would be years after that first meeting before we would get together with Anne again. I felt good about finally meeting Anne, but there was still this weird awareness that there were sisters out there we didn't know, that were not a part of our lives.
I think the next time we connected with Anne was with Sara's help. Sara is the more, bold and outgoing of the three of us. She is really good at making things happen when she wants them to. She reached out to Anne after she was up at college. Anne was at a different place in her life, as were all of us. I think this time around she was a little more curious, and now she had finally met all three of us. Sara and her husband, Spouse (I know, creative), started getting together with Anne and her fiance, Henry, Sara invited David and I to one of these dinners that she and Spouse were hosting at their apartment. We went and had a nice time. We ended up doing a few more meals together over the next few years.
Getting to know Anne, and Henry, gave me some insight. We both had very different understandings of what had happened between her mom and our dad. Also, while none of them held anything specific against the three of us, she was the only one that had any interest in getting to know us. Jane and Mary wanted nothing to do with us. I feel like we were thought of as another complication in lives that were already full of complications. By talking to us, Anne was putting herself in the middle with Jane and Mary. We weren't pressuring her to introduce us to them, I think they gave her a bit of a hard time for spending any time with us, and I think it was hard for Anne to defend her choice to them.
I have to believe Anne did the best she could, without making things more difficult with her sisters. It is hard sometimes to understand where they are coming from, but from what we knew of their childhood and adult lives they have their hands full. It would have been nice to have talked to them about the things they went though, but it clearly was not meant to be. While I don't think it's right, having to "take sides," if the table were turned and Melanie and Sara were against meeting Jane, Anne and Mary I would be doing my best not to upset my relationship with either of them. I wish Jane and Mary could remove how they feel about our dad from the situation and focus on the three half sisters who would love to meet them. I happen to think Melanie and Sara are pretty awesome, and my life is so much fuller for having them be a part of it. Jane and Mary are really missing out, and Anne is too because she has to choose.
Okay, sorry about taking so long to get to what this post is really about. I still feel like the back story was important. Anne and Henry got married. They had been waiting for a long time, and I am truly happy for them that they finally made it happen. Melanie, Sara, and I were not included in the big day. We weren't invited to the wedding, we weren't invited to any showers, parties, brunches, etc. I'm not surprised, given how Jane and Mary felt about us it was pretty obvious we wouldn't be included. I was still hoping there would be a chance there would be some function we'd be invited to that was less family-centric because it would have been really nice to share in this happy time with Anne and Henry. The weeks leading up to the wedding there were pictures on Facebook of the various brunches, parties and celebrations. I didn't want to feel hurt that I was not included, but it did hurt. I understand why, I really do, but it doesn't make it suck any less. I can't help but think that if Anne really wanted us to feel a part of things or to share in any part of her big event she would have made it happen.
I should probably talk to Anne about how I feel, but this family thing is really touchy in ways I just don't understand. I wish that Jane and Mary could put aside how they feel about our dad and realize we had nothing to do with what happened. Instead I feel like in their eyes we carry the "sins" of our father. I don't have any ill will towards them for the "sins" of their mother. I don't know if things will ever change. I guess I have to accept that I will probably spend the rest of my life hating that we never really got the chance to really connect with them, and it's because they didn't want anything to do with us. Rejection is the worst.
I don't want to end this post on a downer. I am thankful for the time I've been able to spend with Anne. But I'm incredibly thankful for the two lovely ladies below that are a part of my life. We may not always agree, we may not always get along, but not matter what they are here for me. They love me, they are supportive of me, and they are amazing women. They are my sisters, I love you Melanie and Sara!
Some history first, because I feel like it is required. My sisters and I have three older half siblings. I'm changing their names for privacy and will attempt to be vague about too many details in their lives for the same reason. It's not a big secret. I don't omit them or pretend they don't exist, they just never come up because they are not a part of our lives. We've always known about them, but we didn't get to grow up with them and we didn't get to meet them. I'm not going to go into the details of why, but suffice to say our relationship (or lack there of) was determined by people that thought they were making the best choices for those involved at the time. Growing up I was always curious, hopeful, and a little afraid that they would appear one day. I wanted to meet them, these big sisters I always wanted, but I was afraid that maybe they didn't want us or that they were somehow mad at us.
Jane, Mary, and Anne. Growing up we had been shown pictures of them. Our grandma had some school photos that had been provided to her, and one of our favorite things to do when we would visit was look at her photo albums. I think if you could take a photo of the six of us with dad you would see a family resemblance, but in passing I don't think it would be as obvious. When I was younger I wondered if I would recognize them if we ever ran into them. The pictures grandma had were old by the time we got our hands on them. We knew about them, I wondered if they knew about us.
It was around my third year of college when I became aware that Anne was in Portland. Somehow I also knew where she was working. It seemed so strange to me, here is this person I'm related to but have never met just a few hours away. And then it hit me, what was stopping me from meeting her? After 20 some years of pretty much living in the same place and no one showing up to meet us maybe it was time to make a move. The only thing that holding me back was not wanting to do something that would come back and hurt dad, or anyone. But I was tired of not knowing these sisters and all of the sudden I had a way to do something about that.
I talked to dad and told him what I wanted to do. The idea was, to go up to her place of work with a small support group and finally meet her. Melanie was going to college not to far from where Anne was working, so my roommate Jayne and I would go stay the night with Melanie and her roommate Sam, and then the four of us would go meed Anne. I hoped it would go well, and she would want to get to know us and then Sara could meet her. Dad understood where I was coming from, and was supportive about us meeting her. Always protective, I was reminded not to get my hopes up because we had no way of knowing what they had been told growing up. Maybe there was a reason they had not come looking for us and our intrusion (because it very well could be perceived as such) into Anne's life could be unwelcome. I went in knowing it may not be a good experience.
Planning to do it was easy enough, it was when we were actually headed there and on our way into where she worked that I became incredibly nervous. The details of the actual event are pretty fuzzy. I was really glad to have Melanie, Jayne and Sam with me. We were just showing up, unannounced at Anne's place of employment. I was a little freaked out about how she was going to respond. We found the restaurant, and we were seated at a nice table. I remember wondering what on earth I was doing and was questioning the path I was going down. Having Melanie there was a huge help. In an uncharacteristic moment, I took charge of the situation and set things in motion. I asked the server if Anne was working, which she was, and then asked if he could send her over at her convenience.
Anne came over, and we introduced ourselves. The encounter is kind of a crazy blur. I'm pretty sure I was the spokesperson for our group, which is very much unlike me. I know Anne was surprised and not entirely thrilled, but she handled it well. She didn't freak out. She was actually very nice, and more open to the experience than she could have been. She could have simply said "nope" and walked away. Instead she took a break and sat down with us to talk. I told her why we had come, that we didn't have any expectations. We just wanted to meet her. We told her what we knew about the situation. Anne was surprised we knew as much about them as we did, and I was surprised they knew as little about us as they did. I like to think it meant something, on some level, to Anne that they weren't forgotten. We exchanged information, and she politely thanked us for finding her, and told us we had given her a lot to think about. I hoped she would write, but I wasn't sure.
I think we did exchange a few notes or holiday cards, but it would be years after that first meeting before we would get together with Anne again. I felt good about finally meeting Anne, but there was still this weird awareness that there were sisters out there we didn't know, that were not a part of our lives.
I think the next time we connected with Anne was with Sara's help. Sara is the more, bold and outgoing of the three of us. She is really good at making things happen when she wants them to. She reached out to Anne after she was up at college. Anne was at a different place in her life, as were all of us. I think this time around she was a little more curious, and now she had finally met all three of us. Sara and her husband, Spouse (I know, creative), started getting together with Anne and her fiance, Henry, Sara invited David and I to one of these dinners that she and Spouse were hosting at their apartment. We went and had a nice time. We ended up doing a few more meals together over the next few years.
Getting to know Anne, and Henry, gave me some insight. We both had very different understandings of what had happened between her mom and our dad. Also, while none of them held anything specific against the three of us, she was the only one that had any interest in getting to know us. Jane and Mary wanted nothing to do with us. I feel like we were thought of as another complication in lives that were already full of complications. By talking to us, Anne was putting herself in the middle with Jane and Mary. We weren't pressuring her to introduce us to them, I think they gave her a bit of a hard time for spending any time with us, and I think it was hard for Anne to defend her choice to them.
I have to believe Anne did the best she could, without making things more difficult with her sisters. It is hard sometimes to understand where they are coming from, but from what we knew of their childhood and adult lives they have their hands full. It would have been nice to have talked to them about the things they went though, but it clearly was not meant to be. While I don't think it's right, having to "take sides," if the table were turned and Melanie and Sara were against meeting Jane, Anne and Mary I would be doing my best not to upset my relationship with either of them. I wish Jane and Mary could remove how they feel about our dad from the situation and focus on the three half sisters who would love to meet them. I happen to think Melanie and Sara are pretty awesome, and my life is so much fuller for having them be a part of it. Jane and Mary are really missing out, and Anne is too because she has to choose.
Okay, sorry about taking so long to get to what this post is really about. I still feel like the back story was important. Anne and Henry got married. They had been waiting for a long time, and I am truly happy for them that they finally made it happen. Melanie, Sara, and I were not included in the big day. We weren't invited to the wedding, we weren't invited to any showers, parties, brunches, etc. I'm not surprised, given how Jane and Mary felt about us it was pretty obvious we wouldn't be included. I was still hoping there would be a chance there would be some function we'd be invited to that was less family-centric because it would have been really nice to share in this happy time with Anne and Henry. The weeks leading up to the wedding there were pictures on Facebook of the various brunches, parties and celebrations. I didn't want to feel hurt that I was not included, but it did hurt. I understand why, I really do, but it doesn't make it suck any less. I can't help but think that if Anne really wanted us to feel a part of things or to share in any part of her big event she would have made it happen.
I should probably talk to Anne about how I feel, but this family thing is really touchy in ways I just don't understand. I wish that Jane and Mary could put aside how they feel about our dad and realize we had nothing to do with what happened. Instead I feel like in their eyes we carry the "sins" of our father. I don't have any ill will towards them for the "sins" of their mother. I don't know if things will ever change. I guess I have to accept that I will probably spend the rest of my life hating that we never really got the chance to really connect with them, and it's because they didn't want anything to do with us. Rejection is the worst.
I don't want to end this post on a downer. I am thankful for the time I've been able to spend with Anne. But I'm incredibly thankful for the two lovely ladies below that are a part of my life. We may not always agree, we may not always get along, but not matter what they are here for me. They love me, they are supportive of me, and they are amazing women. They are my sisters, I love you Melanie and Sara!
 |
| Melanie, Sara, and me |
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Currently
I've been wanting to blog, but have been having trouble finding something I can really sit and write about. I'm still here. I'm just tired. It's a crazy time of year in my family. August and September are two big birthday months, and it just seems like everything is going to happen all at the same time. Since I'm brain dead I thought I'd do a currently post. Without further ado...
Doing: Watching some recorded tv, sipping wine, looking at converse and giggling with my husband about how many pairs of converse we actually need. (The answer is there there is no set number, we need all the shoes)
Thinking about: The crazy months ahead. This month is fully of birthdays, as is next month. We have gifts bought, and plans made, but there is still this crazy feeling. It's not a bad thing, being busy helps make the hot time of year go by a little bit faster.
Watching: One of our favorite summer time programs is So You Think You Can Dance-it it is on its 11th season right now and just as exciting as the first! We've also been watching some Master Chef, and The Strain. In between all of that we have been marathoning CSI: Miami. I had no idea there were 10 seasons of that show. We are in season 4 now.
Looking forward to: Wednesday and Sunday. We get to see my sister and the kids tomorrow! We also get to give our nephew his birthday gift-I hope he is as excited as we are! Then Sunday we get to see them again for our niece's birthday! They are such amazing kids. Sweet and shy, and I love them to pieces!
Reading: I just finished re-reading the Cousin's War and the Tudor Series by Philippa Gregory. I'm currently re-reading the Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris. Once I get all that out of my system I have some new books to read that I'm looking forward to, like the new Harry Dresden book, Skin Games.
Loving: My husband, of course. But also some wine, from Revelry. We've had the Merlot (yes, I like fucking Merlot-and anyone who has watched Sideways will get that), and the Cabernet Sauvignon and have enjoyed both very much.
Doing: Watching some recorded tv, sipping wine, looking at converse and giggling with my husband about how many pairs of converse we actually need. (The answer is there there is no set number, we need all the shoes)
Thinking about: The crazy months ahead. This month is fully of birthdays, as is next month. We have gifts bought, and plans made, but there is still this crazy feeling. It's not a bad thing, being busy helps make the hot time of year go by a little bit faster.
Watching: One of our favorite summer time programs is So You Think You Can Dance-it it is on its 11th season right now and just as exciting as the first! We've also been watching some Master Chef, and The Strain. In between all of that we have been marathoning CSI: Miami. I had no idea there were 10 seasons of that show. We are in season 4 now.
Looking forward to: Wednesday and Sunday. We get to see my sister and the kids tomorrow! We also get to give our nephew his birthday gift-I hope he is as excited as we are! Then Sunday we get to see them again for our niece's birthday! They are such amazing kids. Sweet and shy, and I love them to pieces!
Reading: I just finished re-reading the Cousin's War and the Tudor Series by Philippa Gregory. I'm currently re-reading the Sookie Stackhouse Series by Charlaine Harris. Once I get all that out of my system I have some new books to read that I'm looking forward to, like the new Harry Dresden book, Skin Games.
Loving: My husband, of course. But also some wine, from Revelry. We've had the Merlot (yes, I like fucking Merlot-and anyone who has watched Sideways will get that), and the Cabernet Sauvignon and have enjoyed both very much.
I think that's about it for now. I hope everyone else is doing well and enjoying what is left of the summer!
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Puppy and her Toy
I haven't posted any cat pictures for awhile. I guess I haven't really been taking as many pictures, or I'm just lazy. What ever the case, these pictures were too cute not to share!
When my friend from Georgia visited, she brought Puppy some presents. One of them was a catnip cigar. This is Puppy enjoying her cigar!
When my friend from Georgia visited, she brought Puppy some presents. One of them was a catnip cigar. This is Puppy enjoying her cigar!
Checking it out...seeing if it's worth her notice.
Definitely interested.
Clearly it belongs to her-and if we try to take it we will come away with a bloody stump!
She actually really likes it. Unfortunately, catnip makes Puppy mean. She doesn't get it very often, but when she does she's really cute with it. We just have to wait for her to be completely done with it. Then she removes herself from the toy and we are able to put it away without incident. Whatever her mood, she's always entertaining and we are crazy about her. I am a crazy cat lady.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Just Us Girls
When David has to go out of town (which thankfully is not very often) Puppy has a series of feelings I imagine she goes though. I am a crazy cat lady.
She looks for him in the evenings. David works from home and is in the house with her during the day. She'll never admit it, but she likes having him around. When he's not here she paces, and looks like she is waiting for him to appear. Then she determines he's not coming back and she gets clingy. Any time I'm sitting down she has to be on my lap. But it's the on my lap off my lap, on my lap off my lap, just enough to make it hard to do anything. Then I get this:
I feel this is the "what did you do to David" face. She starts getting pissy with me, and glares at me. This isn't unusual. She goes from cute and loving to bitey and mean in the blink of an eye. It's just more fun to be creative with her moods and what they mean when David is away.
This is just a short trip. David will be home to us in no time and life will be back to normal.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
My Thoughts on Marriage, And Why Ours Is Awesome!
I love my husband, and I love the relationship we have. It is not always perfect, but it is real and most importantly it is ours. I've had friends tell me our cuteness makes then want to vomit. Yes. We are a couple that is that sweet to one another. No, it is not a show we put on for others-that is just how we are together. No, we will not stop. I've had people jokingly tell me I should write about our secret to success. There is no secret, we are just crazy about one another! Okay, so maybe there is more than just that.
Relationships are not easy. We have put a lot of work into what we have today. I'm not saying it has been hard, it is easy for me to love my husband. What I'm saying is it has not always been easy. You can't just expect everything to be perfect all the time. People have moods, interpret things differently, and do not always communicate well. I'm not always the most open person, for example, if I get too overwhelmed I shut down. Despite any obstacles we have encountered we have worked through them together. We are both fully invested in us and making our marriage work. Every day it pays off. I have complete trust in my husband, and I know no matter what he is going to be there for me. Here are what I think are our keys to success:
Strong Foundation (Trust, Respect)
David and I were friends for over a year before we actually ever met face to face. It was the kind of friendship where we weren't trying to impress one another, and I feel like we were pretty open and honest with each other from the start. We knew each other's backgrounds, interests etc. When we actually met, things proceeded pretty fast. We were engaged and lived (yes, in sin) together for a year before the wedding. During this time, all kinds of crazy stuff happened. I had some family drama going on, we drove (and he moved) from the east coast to the west coast, we house sat in California, we moved to Oregon, I graduated from college, David changed jobs, our nephew was born, we got married, and bought a house (we were waiting to hear we got the house during our honeymoon). That was just in our first year together. It was a lot of change for both of us and I think he handled it better than I did, but he was always there for me when I needed him.
Along with sticking through tough things together we make sure we are honest with one another. From the start, David's one main request was that I be truthful with him even if I didn't think he'd want to hear it. We don't lie to one another, or keep things (except the occasional fun surprise) from one another. Knowing that, trust and respect just sort of fall into place and we have this really solid foundation for our relationship.
Relationship Rules (No Bites)
This was another thing we established pretty early on. Along with the not lying, we also agreed not to call each other names, or be physically violent with one another. When we have the occasional fall out/argument we refrain from name calling, or any kind of hitting/swatting/angry touching. I will admit, I can shriek like a howler monkey and sob like a crazy lady, but I don't call my husband names-we stick to those rules. At the end of a fight, the only regrets we have is that the other was hurt/misunderstood and things escalated. No hurtful things are said that can't be taken back.
It may seem silly, but it is really important not to hold grudges or let things add up against one another. I'm not saying we don't get mad at one another, we just don't hold on to things to use against each other later. We work it out and then let it go. There is no upper hand in our marriage. We also don't play the "you got that so I get this" game. We make sure we have everything we need, and things we want. It's never a competition.
Talk to Each Other, Be Interested In Each Other (Be a Package Deal)
Seems easy enough, right? When I say talk to each other I mean talking about EVERYTHING. We talk about our work day, we talk about silly stuff we saw on the internet, we talk about things we are working/want to be working on. We giggle together, and are silly together, and drink wine while looking at the ocean together. We talk, even if it's just for a minute, at lunch time just to say hi. We text if it is a rough day and need a friendly word. When he is out of town for work I send him silly pictures, he sends some back. We are never out of touch, we just are not together as much as we would like to be. We do not take separate vacations. We are a package deal.
We take interest in what the other is interested in even if it is not something we are into. David has gone sewing/stamping shopping with me more times than I can count, and I go wood/workshop shopping with him any time he needs supplies. If it is important to him, it is important to me. He does the same thing.
Don't Give Up
When things get tough don't just give up. You relationship is something you have to nurture-both of you. If you just give up or ignore things you don't want to deal with they don't go away. You have to learn to work through disagreements and hard topics like expenses and what to do for date night or you are always going to struggle and the same issues will keep cropping up. How else will you learn how to be there for one another during the hard times? If you do not feel comfortable talking about everything with your spouse, how will you survive the things that are really hard to talk about like loss of a job, or a family member? Those are times when you need someone to hold you and tell you it will get better. I know without a doubt I have that with David.
How I Look at Marriage
I married David because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to do everything with him by my side, and I want to be by his. Our marriage is a partnership, where we are both equal contributors to the partnership. Sure, we have our ups and downs, and misunderstandings and disagreements. But ultimately we love and respect one another. David is without a doubt my best friend, and I consider myself to be one very lucky lady to have him as my husband.
Relationships are not easy. We have put a lot of work into what we have today. I'm not saying it has been hard, it is easy for me to love my husband. What I'm saying is it has not always been easy. You can't just expect everything to be perfect all the time. People have moods, interpret things differently, and do not always communicate well. I'm not always the most open person, for example, if I get too overwhelmed I shut down. Despite any obstacles we have encountered we have worked through them together. We are both fully invested in us and making our marriage work. Every day it pays off. I have complete trust in my husband, and I know no matter what he is going to be there for me. Here are what I think are our keys to success:
Strong Foundation (Trust, Respect)
David and I were friends for over a year before we actually ever met face to face. It was the kind of friendship where we weren't trying to impress one another, and I feel like we were pretty open and honest with each other from the start. We knew each other's backgrounds, interests etc. When we actually met, things proceeded pretty fast. We were engaged and lived (yes, in sin) together for a year before the wedding. During this time, all kinds of crazy stuff happened. I had some family drama going on, we drove (and he moved) from the east coast to the west coast, we house sat in California, we moved to Oregon, I graduated from college, David changed jobs, our nephew was born, we got married, and bought a house (we were waiting to hear we got the house during our honeymoon). That was just in our first year together. It was a lot of change for both of us and I think he handled it better than I did, but he was always there for me when I needed him.
Along with sticking through tough things together we make sure we are honest with one another. From the start, David's one main request was that I be truthful with him even if I didn't think he'd want to hear it. We don't lie to one another, or keep things (except the occasional fun surprise) from one another. Knowing that, trust and respect just sort of fall into place and we have this really solid foundation for our relationship.
Relationship Rules (No Bites)
This was another thing we established pretty early on. Along with the not lying, we also agreed not to call each other names, or be physically violent with one another. When we have the occasional fall out/argument we refrain from name calling, or any kind of hitting/swatting/angry touching. I will admit, I can shriek like a howler monkey and sob like a crazy lady, but I don't call my husband names-we stick to those rules. At the end of a fight, the only regrets we have is that the other was hurt/misunderstood and things escalated. No hurtful things are said that can't be taken back.
It may seem silly, but it is really important not to hold grudges or let things add up against one another. I'm not saying we don't get mad at one another, we just don't hold on to things to use against each other later. We work it out and then let it go. There is no upper hand in our marriage. We also don't play the "you got that so I get this" game. We make sure we have everything we need, and things we want. It's never a competition.
Talk to Each Other, Be Interested In Each Other (Be a Package Deal)
Seems easy enough, right? When I say talk to each other I mean talking about EVERYTHING. We talk about our work day, we talk about silly stuff we saw on the internet, we talk about things we are working/want to be working on. We giggle together, and are silly together, and drink wine while looking at the ocean together. We talk, even if it's just for a minute, at lunch time just to say hi. We text if it is a rough day and need a friendly word. When he is out of town for work I send him silly pictures, he sends some back. We are never out of touch, we just are not together as much as we would like to be. We do not take separate vacations. We are a package deal.
We take interest in what the other is interested in even if it is not something we are into. David has gone sewing/stamping shopping with me more times than I can count, and I go wood/workshop shopping with him any time he needs supplies. If it is important to him, it is important to me. He does the same thing.
Don't Give Up
When things get tough don't just give up. You relationship is something you have to nurture-both of you. If you just give up or ignore things you don't want to deal with they don't go away. You have to learn to work through disagreements and hard topics like expenses and what to do for date night or you are always going to struggle and the same issues will keep cropping up. How else will you learn how to be there for one another during the hard times? If you do not feel comfortable talking about everything with your spouse, how will you survive the things that are really hard to talk about like loss of a job, or a family member? Those are times when you need someone to hold you and tell you it will get better. I know without a doubt I have that with David.
How I Look at Marriage
I married David because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I want to do everything with him by my side, and I want to be by his. Our marriage is a partnership, where we are both equal contributors to the partnership. Sure, we have our ups and downs, and misunderstandings and disagreements. But ultimately we love and respect one another. David is without a doubt my best friend, and I consider myself to be one very lucky lady to have him as my husband.
Monday, October 21, 2013
13 Years Ago My Life Began...
13 years ago today I married my best friend. Best friend, soul mate, kindred spirit... all of those are appropriate, but don't even begin to encompass how I feel about David. Yeah, this post might get all sappy. Still being madly in love with the man I married 13 years ago entitles me to make sappy posts. (sorry sweetie)
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| I am indeed barefoot, dragging my dress through the sand and surf. |
It was a really lovely day. It started out overcast-which was fine. But then after the ceremony, we had perfect pictures on the beach weather. So much of the day is a blur. I remember getting ready, I remember regretting some of the choices I had made regarding some of the people present for said getting ready, but even then said people didn't ruin my day. Once that dress was on, and I was permitted to scuttle (really, it's hard to do anything but scuttle when you are hurrying in a really heavy dress) into the church so David and I could see each other and do pictures before the ceremony. I remember David seeing me in my big poofy dress for the first time. I remember standing in the same place for a really long time as people are paraded around me and my huge dress for an assortment of pictures (which I treasure now-even if my smile is tired in a a few of them).
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| Aren't we cute? |
I remember it being time to walk down the isle, and I remember looking at David through all the talking during the ceremony. I remember the friends and family that came, because there had been so much other stuff going on (another wedding, a birth, a death) that I was surprised anyone came at all. But through all of that, and some of the sadness that loomed, my David was ever steady.
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| Yes, those are stained glass birds attacking us, but we don't care! |
A pretty amazing day has turned into a pretty amazing 13 years. We have been through a lot, and have weathered it all. I can't imagine life without him. Thank you, David, for putting up with all of me. I'm not the easiest person to live with sometimes. I really do fall in love with you all over again every day! Bring on the next 13 (and more) years!
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| Off we go! |
Thursday, September 12, 2013
New Addition!
Well, it was really a new addition last month...now it is an official part of the family! Meet Jeep:
Pretty sexy huh?
David has wanted a Jeep for, well, a really long time. It was nice to be able to get him into is dream vehicle, especially since thanks to him I've been driving mine for almost 2 years now. The sad side to this whole deal was we said good by to Truck. Truck has gone many places with us and there are many fond, and traumatic (what happened on that crazy drive to Nebraska with the worst storm EVER stays with Truck) memories associated with our time together (and to be clear most of the memories are fond). Truck:
Gone, but not forgotten. Thanks for all the great memories!
Now we get to make new fun memories and go on fun adventures with Jeep. I'm looking forward to many adventures!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Updates to Goals Post
I thought I should post and update to my previous post, Goals. It's been a few weeks and David and I have been hard at work making changes. We have been walking every day (except for currently because we are sick and I don't want to leave a snot trail around the neighborhood) and eating better. It's when I look back that I can see that some good things are happening.
We are both dropping some weight. I can see things fitting David more loosely (whether he believes me or not). I know I'm fitting into some stuff that I couldn't wear back when I made the Goals post. I'm sleeping a little better (when I'm not sick that is). And now that I have changed my walking shoes I think my back is going to start feeling better as well. The best thing is having a little more energy (again, when I'm not sick). I feel more inclined to do things like go to the store with David after work, and make salad fixings for the next day the night before. I'm not as content being lazy on the couch staring at the TV. This is a big deal! Granted it's not getting my cross stitching done, but I feel like I'm getting more things done that I need to be getting done and it makes me feel more accomplished.
Right now my main goal is to get rid of this cold. I like the positive changes that have been taking place so I want to get back to work. Eating right isn't enough for me, I need to be walking. It's taken me a long time, but I finally understand that. There has to be that balance between eating enough, but not too much, and being active enough to burn the calories. There has to be that balance. I'm down with the diet changes we have made. Sure, there are things I miss. But it's just food. And just because I'm staying away from it now, doesn't mean I can't have some (moderation) down the road. Right now I'm so motivated to meet my goals that I really do think about things more, like yeah I might really want that frappachino, but I'd really like to get some of the fat clothes out of my closet more.
So, despite being sick and still having a lot to figure out, I think David and I are doing great! I'm really proud of all the changes he has made, and how he is taking his own health into his hands. He is setting an excellent example for me and makes it easier for me to do the same, which I hope in turn helps him keep up his good work. I should have taken some before pictures, so I could post random progress. I'll just have to settle for us being more willing to be in pictures and I'll share those. :)
~Emily
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Visit!
I have vistors today! Melanie and the kids came over this afternoon to keep my company. I'm always amazed at how much W and Peanut have grown between visits. Peanut is in Preschool. PRESCHOOL! And W is as tall as I am. I only have the advantage because of my clogs. Here are some pictures!
She was dancing with the pink ball.
Can you see the cute owl shirt?!
Can you see the Angry Birds shirt? I love it!
Photo bomb!
She is getting better and posing for pictures, but she is still wiggly!
Pizza!
I think something awesome (or frightening) was happening on the tv
Sisters!
The visits always seem to go so fast. I'm looking forward to the weekend because David will be home, and we are all going to the pumpkin patch!
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Princess Peanut's Party!
August is a crazy month of birthdays in our family. W, Peanut and Melanie all have birthdays. I can't believe W is 12 already! He is growing so fast. Melanie informed me this week he is dangerously close to catching up to me in height and may even surpass me soon! I get to be a little Aunt! Peanut turned 3 this year and since this would be a year she would be old enough to remember and understand what was going on there was a party! Melanie and Chris did a lovely job as hosts, and making it a pink and purple princess day! Here are some pictures from that afternoon. I took more but Peanut is constantly moving and is still having trouble being still long enough for a picture to be taken. At any rate, here are some moments of that lovely day!
Someone got a bike! She had fun getting pushed around the house.
It's a pink jacket!
W being the patient big brother (I hope he won't mind the one picture...)
This is a fuzzy picture but she actually looked at me.
Next year I don't think wrapping paper stands a chance!
Cake...
You want me to do what?
Okay....
Where's my piece?
Thanks for inviting us!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
And Now For Something Completely Different...
I will not be complaining about the cat in this post. I will instead be sharing cute pictures of peanut from today's visit. W was here, but he is in that "no picture" phase and while I did get one or two I will respect his wishes and refrain from posting them here. I got some cute pictures on my iPhone and I'll post/blog some of those another day. :) And now for the cuteness:
She wanted me to take a picture of her with her princess (see the purple in her hand)
Giggles-I love those!
Trying to figure out Peter Pan.
Twirling!
Such a cutie! I think she might have Aunt Emily wrapped around her little finger!
I can't believe how much she and W have grown since I saw them last. It was nice to catch up with my sister. Texting is great but some things are just so much better face to face! I just wish there was more time in the day. Until the next visit...
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