Distracted

That's pretty much how I've been feeling lately.  Lately I feel like my mind has been all over the place and I might be going a little insane.  I try to sit down to do something and I get restless and think about something else I should be doing.  That's why there hasn't been much posting lately.  I am very behind on some book posts and I'm trying to remedy that.  I'm also hoping to get back into writing non-book related posts as well.  My hope is that getting some of the crazy things on my mind done (like going through my piles of stuff) will help me be able to sit down and focus a little better.

Every couple of years or so we try to purge junk in our home.  We've been in the house for almost 15 years, there are a lot of places to tuck stuff.  Trust me, I am excellent and tucking things away.  I just found a box of wedding invitations that I thought I had tossed or lost 14 years ago.  I'm also a scrapbook/stamper and I have a lot of paper and paper scraps lying around.  I tried to get rid of some of the scraps last night but I keep thinking "I could use that for something."  And that, I believe, is how a hoarder is born.  Just thinking that makes me want to go and throw everything away.  I try not to be wasteful, but I also try not to be a crazy keeper of things.  Clearly it's time for me to purge, I just need to focus and run with it.

Or maybe something like the above will happen.  Clearly with me it can go either way.  I'll keep you posted on the great purge (or wine dancing).  Thanks for listening to me!

Blogstipated

Ugh.  I'm blogstipated.  Is that a thing or did I just make it up?  I think it's a thing.  I'm making it a thing, it's a thing.  I told my friend that earlier, that I was blogstipated.  She laughed, and told me I should blog about that.  I told her it would be short post.  But, after some thought, I guess a short post is better than no post.  So here goes, be ready for a really rambly read.

I've been trying to write a book review, because two of my goals this year are to read more and blog more.  I thought it would be a good way to show I'm doing the reading, and hopefully it would help with the blogging.  Every time I sit down to work on it I feel like I'm writing a book report.  I hated writing book reports in school.  So, there is a lot of sitting and staring at the blinking cursor and a mostly empty post page.

I'm sure part of my problem today is I am a husk of Emily.  I didn't get much sleep last night.  David is out of town for a few nights and I just could not fall asleep.  For once the house wasn't making weird noises, the cat wasn't acting strange (well, she was unusually sweet and photogenic), and I was mellow.  Ended up not falling asleep until 2 am.  I think I slept through my first alarm that went off at 5:30 am.  Maybe I rolled over and shut it off, if I did I have no memory.  I vaguely remember the second alarm going off at 6:30 am.  David called me not long after, thankfully, so then I was awake.  But I'm dragging today.  I have a bit of a lack of sleep headache, and I'm just not feeling fully functional.

our pretty girl

Hopefully I'll sleep better tonight, so I can be more complete tomorrow.

One Sleep Down

Our cute little snozbot

Sometimes David has to travel for work.  We've been lucky that he hasn't had to for a while, but he had to go out of town for four sleeps.  Riley and I do not play bachelorette very well.  I get restless and wander aimlessly around the house.  Sometimes I put stuff away or push the vacuum around with a vacant stare and maybe a trail of drool.  All I want to do is sleep until David returns, but the funny thing is I can't seem to sleep.  Riley, on the other hand, sleeps enough for the both of us.  She spent last night snoring on Davids footstool.  When I went up to flop about in bed hoping for sleep she came up and crawled into her little cat bed and proceeded to snore.  All.  Night.  

We survived the day, mostly.  There was some poop that had to be picked up, and somebody was very upset that I had cleaned up her poop-stash.  There was some hissing, and glaring.  So I figure I'd vacuum while she's already pissed.  Yeah.  There was more hissing and I may or may not have been given the evil eye.  Despite that, we have recovered, she has stopped glaring and hissing and is currently passed out (and snoring) on David's footstool.  I think we will both feel better when David comes home.  Three more sleeps.

Coffee Break

So I've been a little bit fail with the blogging lately.  I do have some drafts in the queue, I just haven't been able (okay, motivated) to get them worked into shape.  I feel like I'm just sitting and staring at the screen a lot and day dreaming about coffee, or chocolate, or a mocha.  Then I start to wonder if it's too early to start drinking wine yet and then I realize that's problematic because I'm still at work and it would just be a really bad idea to be drinking at work.  Well it would be a brilliant idea, but still a bad one too.

Also, allergies, and sickness is all around this time of year.  I'm currently combating fuzzy head/snot nose and trying like heck to not get the flu that has penetrated the office.

So clearly I need to wake up, avoid the booze (until happy home time), keep healthy and get back into the writing.  I promise I'll have something up here again other than Journal Day prompts (and I just got the next one-yay!) and this silly little post.  If you are still here reading, thanks for sticking around.

Early School Years, What Were They Thinking?

I am old enough that when I was growing up, Kindergarten didn't seem to be mandatory; at least I didn't go so I assume it wasn't required.  In fact, I didn't actually attend public school until third grade.  My parents had made the decision to home school me, so my first two years of school were in the family kitchen.  I remember the dark brown shiny table, and the red plastic chairs with the black paisley-like pattern.  I didn't know any different, public schools weren't part of my world.  Of course I saw school buses and the other kids riding them, and I would see the schools in town as we drove by and kids playing on the playground.  I wanted that.  I wanted to ride the yellow bus to school, I wanted to play with other kids.  I didn't understand why they got to go to school together, but I had to stay home.

First grade me

That Time I Was Invited to Join Swim Team...

I was reflecting on some things that had happened over a weekend and found myself remembering the time I was invited to join the local swim team.  Sounds weird but trust me, they are related.

For those of you who know me, you know I am horrible at making decisions.  For those of you who don't know me, trust me.  I know it's not an uncommon issue among human kind, but I'm REALLY bad about it.  I shut down and am even more frustrating to talk to than normal.  I was trying to figure out if I've always been that way, or if there was an event in my life that made me this way.  Short answer, I think I've always been this way.  As I grew up things I was told by the people around me became things I 'learned' and helped contribute to the indecisive, anxious, insecure person I am today.  Enter swim team memory.

Mortality

Yesterday I learned someone I went to High School with passed away.  He wasn't a close friend, or even someone I spent a lot of time with.  He was someone I would stop and talk to in the hall.  Later in life when I would be home from college and ran into him where he worked he always made time to ask me how I was doing and how life was treating me.  I never heard an unkind word from him, and I never heard an unkind word spoken about him.  Jed Haft was just a really nice guy.  He leaves behind a wife and three pretty adorable daughters.  I don't know his family; I honestly can't remember the last time I saw Jed.  Once I officially moved out of my parents house I spent as little time in our home town as possible.  My heart goes out to his family, and those people that his life touched-and from judging by his Facebook page that was a lot of people.  

When someone you know dies it makes you think all kinds of crazy things.  It makes you look at your own mortality, and the mortality of those you love.  It can make you think about the type of person you are, and wonder will people speak kindly about you when you are gone?  

What hit me when I heard the news, besides the sadness of the world losing the type of person it is running sort of, it just how quickly my world could be taken from me.  Jed and his wife had plans, and things to look forward to.  There are three little girls who now have to grow up without their dad, and do all those things girls need a dad for without theirs.  His wife has lost her rock, her partner through raising their children.  Just imagining not having David makes my heart hurt in ways that I don't believe the English language has found words to describe yet.  

Jed's passing is a painful reminder we have no idea how much time we really have.  If you will excuse me, I have to end this so I can get home to snuggle with my David.

Meh

I look at this (neglected) blog (that I love) and realize what a boring person I am.  Okay, maybe not completely boring, but I look boring if I judge myself by this blog (which I do some days).  I hardly ever post, and when I do it's kind of a whiny post (like this one).

Maybe part of the problem is pictures, as in I used to take a lot more of them and would post them here along with the adventure behind them.  We are still going on adventures, I just haven't been taking pictures.  Then I wonder, why have I stopped taking pictures?  It's not because I hate having my picture taken (I do).  I don't hate our camera.  I usually don't mind dumping the photos to my laptop (but it is kind of a chore).  Have I really become that lazy?

We've had a few lovely trips to our new place on the coast and I didn't blog about it, or post pictures (except for a few on facebook).  I don't think I've even pulled the pictures off the camera.  Now, we are getting ready to go on another get away (YA *kermit flailing*).  I am going to try harder to post about this one.  

We've also been busy taking care of some things around the house (planned and then the unplanned).  I am so thrilled with the changes, I'm sad I haven't even blogged about those!

I just need to brush aside the lazies and get blogging about some of this stuff.  There may or may not be a onslaught of posts coming. 

So...

I hate having the feeling like I have a lot to say, but then when I sit down and try to blog nothing wants to come out. It's like my brain and vocabulary are constipated and I am clueless about what to use as a laxative.  You don't even want to know how long it took me to put that sentence together.

David and I are doing good.  We've continued on our path to getting healthy and it is paying off.  We have come far, but there is still a long way to go.  The weight is slowly coming off for me, and I'm sure the medication I'm on for my hella high cholesterol don't help with that BUT they have helped with the hella high cholesterol so I will try not to get too bent out of shape about it.  It's all for the greater good.  And I just keep telling myself that if is slow to come off (the weight) then it's gonna stay off.  

We are both still employed.  

Puppy is still crazy, cranky, and OCD about her fur.

I guess that's all that's going to come out today.  /sigh

Voice, Balance and Discretion

At night as I'm falling asleep I draft these amazing blog posts in my head.  I just know they are witty, clever, and insightful.  Unfortunately I fall asleep and remember nothing except maybe a vague hint of what I wanted to write about.

Fat lot of good that does me.  

This happened to me last night.  This morning the only thing I remembered was "kids."  There are so many directions that could take, but I have no clue where my mind was in regards to "kids" last night.  It could have been anything from thoughts about friends who have kids who seem utterly miserable, or happy reflections on times with my sisters kids, or even melancholy thoughts about not having any of our own.  My mind drifts so easily as I'm drifting off.  I guess I will never know.

I like to think whatever it was, it was something insightful, entertaining and witty.  I'm afraid if there were a way to record the draft post I was composing that I would look back on it in the morning and wonder what kind of drugs I was on.  Again, I guess I will never know.

All I do know is it leaves me with an itch to blog but nothing to blog about.  I do things.  I have things happen.  For some reason I have a really hard time being able to determine what I can post about, and what things are better left unsaid.  (Must protect the guilty)  So, rather than taking a small leap and posting I second guess myself and keep quiet.  How does one find a voice, or the balance to write about things experienced without pissing off the people around them?  Or getting fired.  

Maybe I'm not as clever as I think I am.  I can't come up with super awesome nicknames for people and write about things in ways that it makes them vague?  So far, no I can't.  I'l keep looking for the secret.  Until then, dear reader, you get what you get.  I'm sharing what I feel comfortable sharing-I respect David and his privacy.  Puppy, however, is a different story.  

Until next time, good night.

~Emily

Really?

I'm having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that it's already August.  Granted the seasons don't have as much of an impact on me with the whole not being in school and not having summers off.  Still, I can't help but feel like "Seriously?  It's August?!"  I have accomplished not much.  I hate summer.  It gets up into my sinusssessses (yes, I know) and makes me feel like I'm on the cusp of turning into a zombie pretty much from the end of June until the beginning of October.  Considering that, I'm going to count getting up and going to work every day (and actually doing work) as an accomplishment.  Yup.  That's just how the summer is for me.  /headdesk

Last Weeks Meh

I have just been so uninspired lately.  The sun is out and my allergies are taking hold.  Yes, I am a joy to be around.  I've wanted to write, but nothing would come out.  About all I've been good for is Facebook games and staring at the TV.  Both things I excel at.  Today I'm trying to shake some of the fuzz out and plug into life.  We'll see how it goes.  Hmm, what else can I tell you...

Meh

I spent a fair part of my weekend sneezing and expelling copious amounts of snot.  Now I feel like I'm shedding the skin around my nose and upper lip (my lips may very well be falling off too) and leaving a coating of myself around the office.  Between that and the tissue trail I'm leaving I shouldn't be difficult to find.

On the plus side, I did have a nice weekend just sort of relaxing with David.  We ran a few errands, looked at a few things and watched some movies.  We had to buy The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  While being a really disturbing movie (in some parts) it was also a really good movie.  As soon as I finish reading the series I am now (Mistborn Series by Brandon Sanderson) I plan to read the Millennium Series (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Played with Fire and The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets' Nest) by Stieg Larsson.  There are lots of books I want to read, I'm having trouble keeping track of them all.  I really should update my Good Reads shelves.

Well, nothing else I care to talk about right now.  Hopefully I can reclaim my face soon from the snot demons.

Die Cigarrettes

***I read through this post again before I went to hit post and thought I needed to make sure I made something very clear.  This post is in no way about any of my friends who smoke.  My friends are all aware, clean and thoughtful people and I just want to make it clear this is not about any of you!  Also, my friends don't feel the need to bathe in stinky perfume, so thank you for that too.***

Monday Meh

I can't say this enough:  Mondays are the Suck!!!

I'm having a hard time waking up, first of all.  Then, after I did manage to get myself out of bed and showered I was greeted downstairs by gifts from the cat's stomach which it was my turn to clean up (David does more than his share of cleaning up her little presents, we try to follow the rule of "you find it, you pick it up" and he works from home so I think he finds it more often than I do).  So there was no eating this morning.  For some reason my tummy just wasn't playing fair.  At work, it's just so hard to jump into things.  My brain is still grasping for any last possible remnants of the weekend, which is just silly.

I think the coffee finally kicked in (with the help of some Dr. Pepper) just after the lunch hour, but then I was just more ready to go home.  Thankfully, David was on the same page and I came home to big hugs and a test bottle of wine (we are playing around trying to find an assortment we enjoy) open and waiting.  All I know is I'm really glad this Monday is just about behind me.  I don't know about motivation for the rest of the week, but I'm sure I can pull it out of a vat of coffee. :)

*Punch*

Today is just one of those days I want to skip around and punch people.

I realize you are stressed about taxes being due, but if it was such a huge deal it seems like you would be calling me a day or two before your appointment with your accountant, not an HOUR before.  I mean, it's not like I'm working today.  I'm just sitting here waiting for any client to call with something for me to do.  *punch*

Hello? Creativity? :(

It is really hard to sit down and write something every day. It's not just the coming up with what to write, it's also about finding (making) the time to sit down and do it. I know I could get up early and spend even thirty minutes just writing about anything, but I can't even be bothered to haul my tired shell out of bed in the morning to walk. Walking is something I need to be doing even more than writing. So that leaves the end of the day. After working all day it takes what's left of my meager brain power to help my already tired because he's worked all day too husband make something for dinner. Then we round out the evening watching some tv or reading. At the end of the day all I'm good for is staring at a tv or reading words on a page. There is no creativity to be found. I'm not saying life has sucked it out of me, but in a way it has.

So where did it go? How long has it been gone? And how the heck do I get it back? We are hoping to start walking in the mornings-have just been waiting for the weather to be not so cold and wet. After a few weeks of that I find I have a little more energy and am less tired at the end of the day. Maybe I can find a way to lure the creativity in. You know, create a false sense of a spark or something and then trap it in a whiskey or wine bottle. I'll feed it some chocolate and cheese to keep it from being too pissed, and maybe if I'm lucky we'll become friends again.

I'll let you know how that works out for me.

My Day Today

Today was a day that was just all over the board crazy.  The fact that I'm an emo girl was the icing on my personal crazy cake!

I had a pretty good day at work.  The boss surprised me with a raise.  Nothing says I appreciate your hard work, and I know you are doing your best to help make this practice a success.  It means a lot and well, it just means a lot.

I got to take off early today because Melanie and the kiddos were coming for a visit!  I got home and had time to do some last minute de-furring and dinner prep.  Then I had my emo crash.

See, I'm ok

I Got Sucked In...

That will be funny to you in a minute.

My super awesome husband signed us up for HBO many months ago so we could get in on the Game of Thrones goodness.  We had all of season one to enjoy, and we did.  Twice!  The bonus to signing up for HBO was HBO2go.  This meant much of the goodness that is HBO could be enjoyed on our iPad, laptops, etc.  Suddenly I found I had access to all these movies and series.  Still with me?  I'm working my way to my point.

I Am Horrible About Posting

I have things I could be writing about, but then I get so sucked into things that apparently I can't be bothered to take the time to write about any of them.  I'm going to try to be better about sharing the things I'm into-while I'm into them.  It's all about balance, and dang it, I'm going to figure it out.  This elusive balance thing will not escape me forever.

David is out of town this week.  It will be good for me to focus, and share the exciting world of Sookie Stackhouse or Fisher & Diaz with you all (or y'all as Sookie would say).  Also, I really need to do some dishes.  I think I should start there.  Dishes.  Hockey.  Sookie.  I'm a girl with a plan...